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Jul. 24th, 2011

To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time

Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.
The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he's a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he's to setting.
That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.
Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry:
For having lost but once your prime,
You may for ever tarry.
-Robert Herrick
Some days it seems like I'm only good at remembering things that make me unhappy.
Ah well.
March or Die.
"I'mma show you how great I am."
-Muhammad Ali

Single again.

I broke up with Mandi last Friday.
That is all.

Damn everything but the circus!
. . . damn everything that is grim, dull,
motionless, unrisking, inward turning,
damn everything that won't get into the
circle, that won't enjoy, that won't throw
its heart into the tension, surprise, fear
and delight of the circus, the round
world, the full existence . . .

e. e. cummings

I've been feeling pretty awesome lately.

Although there remains unfinished business, I'm pressing forward and doing more of what I want in life. I've started exercising daily, I haven't had a drag of a cigarette in a week, and haven't had a whole cigarette in two. A short story I wrote in one take has gone over well were I posted it online (295 people have liked it), so that's encouraging. Worked Inferno last night, and tonight as well.
I'll actually have off for the weekend this coming week, if you can believe that.
I was watching Treme regularly with my parents, but then one night I had to work and I haven't caught up yet. I've been to busy working out to watch my favorite TV show: I'll call that a good sign.
I took Jessie off of my facebook friends. I've thought a lot about the past few years, and I've come to the conclusion I'm better off without her. At the end there things had gotten pretty rough, and it seemed to me that she had already made up her mind that we couldn't make it any further. I didn't feel that way, but that's moot now. I was reflected on how she left me (the classic Dear John letter on the bed) and I thought I deserved better than that. Now I feel I deserved better than her. Better than someone who would do that to me.
Now I'm going to watch the World Heavyweight Championship boxing match.
Usually in the spring/early summer (ie, now) I start to think about going back to school. I should talk to an admissions rep about how I would go about that (due to a fuckup on my part, I lost my financial aid a few years back. I'll have to pay for an entire semester out of pocket to get it back.) and exactly what I can do about transferring. I don't really want to go to the UW, but if I can, I should (pending transferring somewhere better... right?) I'm reaching a point where just being around college students would make me feel old.
But it's more than all that, really. It's a few things.
I have to consider the idea that I could just give up on the whole academic idea, and try to get involved in something skilled. Hell, even printer repair work would be stable as all hell. Not as exciting as underwater welding, but it would travel a little better.
And I really don't need a degree if I start really pouring effort in writing, although it certainly wouldn't hurt. Exposure to other peoples work could help me grow.
The thing is I'm kind of a flake when it comes to things holding my interest for long periods of time. (Even New Orleans. Hard to believe, but I don't listen to WWOZ every day. Just most days)
I'm mulling over the idea of talking to a doctor about the possibility of adult ADD. I'm not keen on the idea of getting pilled up, I certainly wouldn't mind the potential advantages thereof. Maybe even look into something to help with when my depression grinds me down.
I still want to learn about electronics, even if only as a hobby.
And part of me still really wants to go to MIT (although that's pretty much moot now, except maybe Grad School [a whole new headache to consider]).
Although on the other hand, I could see bartending my life away.
But I can't see myself managing a liquor store forever. Unless I started my own.
Or maybe I should get a business degree and start my own bar.
So... yeeeeah. You see my dilemma here.
But... I was Vice President of the Math Club. That's gotta mean something, right?

In accordance with the Prophecy

More YouTube Comments from Black Metal Videos.

@LithCS Indeed she was, just like your venereal disease-ridden cunt of a mother that trades hobos creampies for scrap food and second hand syringes. Probably also the reason why you turned into a retarded mongrel -- but what else is there to expect in the rare case of anal conception..? Imbecilic cretins like you make me wish women were bound by law to abort their vile inferior spawn with toasters before they reach their second bloody trimesters.

xarcaz 15 hours ago


Why the hell would I want to stick my dick in a blender? That makes no sense.

Also, just because I'm not an ignorant toad, doesn't make me a "nigger-lover".

See? That uneducated redneck logic is packing its punch on your inbred little mind. PLEASE try to think a little. You must understand how illogical racism is.

WolfieboyMachi 1 day ago

@G0RThauRTheCruEL ...and here we have a sensitive redneck. I guess you can climb plastic walls.

nivenheim 1 day ago

this is more thrash metal than black metal...fuck you

MrLuciferion 1 day ago

Listen you fucking emo motherfucker....go slit your throat and die because it would be doing all of us a favor.......How can you say Mayhem and black metal suck and listen to emo....They suck dick(literally)....so fuck emos,fuck you,and fuck christianity....Only Black is Fucking True,Only Death is REAL!!


Started work on a screenplay yesterday.

Took advantage of my day off and ground out a few pages. It's actually totally unrelated to anything else I've worked on, so that's interesting at least.
I have off for three days in a row this week. I don't know what I'll do with myself.
Just dawned on my that if I play my cards right, I can grind out most of my main debts in the next two months, leaving only my Student Loans.
So there's that.
Still not in New Orleans.
Might only go once this year. October. But that's still something.


I wrote an exceptionally long, very detailed entry here. I pointed out how many things in my near and medium-distanced past seem to be almost stringing together. My emotional oscillation, in terms of both what I feel now, and how I feel about things that have happened. How I'm feeling increasingly estranged from the human species. About how my dreams [EDIT: The literal ones you have when you fall asleep] have become sometimes almost cruel, mocking parodies of things I'd like to have/do/be.
But I eated it.
I'd rather make a stupid internet joke on the stupid internet.

Some of my favorites thus far:

@zombiehunter4 All the original pagan gods are demons. And the demons look very much like humans. Satan is the real creator god of humanity. Satan has many different names like Enki, Ea and Ptah. What you define as Satanism is reversed christianity or the wrist-slitting, blood-drinking, animal sacrificing form of insanity. Check out the "Joy Of Satan" website for some TRUE info on Spiritual/Theistic Satanism, the original religion of mankind. Xtianity is just a program to enslave us all.


@Roskismummo Lucifer is Kingu not Enki

Look up the order of the nine angels, or the order of phosphorus if you want to see true Satanism

Fuck the law abiding spineless sheep of JoS. A true Satanists knows no law other then lawlessness

Smite Enki!

Hail Kingu!


@Roskismummo Hey man... don't even TALK to the profane...They will bow in due time...






It just dawned on me that, if you don't know the context of this icon, it probably makes no sense.

So God appears to President Obama, and says that He'll fix all the problems in the world for the President, but on two conditions: he has to go on television, look into the camera and say "why is there bacon in the soap? I made it myself!" and then walk away, and then he must never acknowledge that he went on TV and did that.
I wonder if he'll do it or not.


I am the Poison

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